Too many matters i don't even know where to begin with. Well, i'm currently job-less again. Uh yeah, don't ask me why unless you are super familiar with me k. So after the car accident thing, Baby and me...we're so damn broke now. No more movie dates or random splurges anymore...for at least a couple of months.. But i guess also no chance already.. (I'll get to the 'why' part later on.) I've never been this broke before. It's stressing me up everyday, i just feel like dying.
So anyway, my bday is in a week's time. And I am so stressed that I don't even have the mood/feel to celebrate. And it's my 21st. I know 21st's supposed to be some kinda big deal thingy, but heck, i don't care. I don't like to celebrate birthdays anyway, it just aint my thing.
And yes, baby reopened his facebook again.. Frankly, idk what im feeling over it.. If you're my close friends, you'd know why he deleted his fb initially. I feel okay that he opened his fb again, cus i can finally put my status as in a relationship with him again.. Cus i have friends who keep asking me who's my bf..(and now they will know and back off)... But at the same time, i feel scared. Im afraid that the past will repeat itself..again and again. I know i should trust baby..after all, we've been together for this long already. But idk why, i still cant trust completely. Its not only him, i just cant trust anyone completely. I know i have trust issues. And its making me insecure and paranoid. Fuck this shit.
And that's not it. Baby's gonna ord in less than a month. And then he's leaving. That's why i said there won't be any more chances to splurge randomly. He's leaving for Brunei, gna help his dad and their company. I feel like crying, just typing out the previous sentence. He won't be in Singapore with me already..:( i dont know what i'll do without him? We've been together for all these while, living together. Its already been a habit that i get to see him everyday, even when we are sleeping. So once he's not in sg already, idk what i'd do... Im actually crying while typing this. I feel so helpless...i cant ask him not to leave sg, cus its his family business, so he's obliged to go help out, learn the business. But im so damn selfish, i just cant help asking...what about me? Cant think of all the possibilities and scenarios that will happen when he's not in sg....
Im scared. I love him. Way too much. :(
sent from my mobile,
Alexa Angie