I'm trying to let go of everything, i'm trying to be happy, i'm trying to be back to normal. But happiness just seems so far away from me, i'm wondering.. what if i cannot be truly happy anymore?
In 3 more days, it'll be exactly a month since we broke up.And in another 10 days, it'll be exactly a month since my baby's gone to a far far away place. How do i accept the fact that i am the one who harmed it? People tell me it ain't my fault, that i was ignorant, yeah true, but i just can't help but blame myself.
D told me that from his observation, when i'm with friends, im okay, and normal. But when i'm alone, i'll start to panic, worry and stress myself. It's true. When i'm with friends, i try to be happy, and act normal. Or else it'll just be dampening the atmosphere, and i don't want that. But when i'm alone, it seems like the silence is engulfing me, i fucking hate being alone.
I'm really tired, i just wanna be normal back. But it's just so hard. I wish time could turn back, back to when i was 13 years old. Many regrets happened back then. If i could turn back, i'll make sure tons of things are actually different now. But sadly, it's impossible.
When can i ever be truly happy from the bottom of my broken heart again?